I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
