how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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