All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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