Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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