im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
