I can text with my tongue
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
