I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
