I only kidnapped one of them. chill
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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