Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
