So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
