Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
