Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
