Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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