I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
