That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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