Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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