do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
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Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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