4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
