can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
