i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
