There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
