I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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