8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
