I understand Curling. That high.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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