I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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