I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
