This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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