The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
