he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
