she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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