My room smells like vodka and shame
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
