My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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