Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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