her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
