Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
