You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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