i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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