He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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