The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
