dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
