before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
