Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
