Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
