is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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