Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
