I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize