I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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