I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
