what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
