A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
