how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish you could order shots online.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
