i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
