Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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