I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
