I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
