I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
