Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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