the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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