he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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