Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
