I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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