I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
