He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
pray to the hookup gods
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
