Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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