Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Randomize
