I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize