i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So vagazzling was a success
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize