My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I need a beard to bite.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
