Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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